A is Angst
by nikkihime
Summary: First of the MITKO ALPHABET series. Mitsui had just returned to the team, willing to be a part of their lives once more, a part of Kogure's life. But does Kogure want him back?


The MitKo Alphabet

Title: A is Angst 

Author: nikki hiiragizawa

Genre: angst/romance

Rating: PG

Setting: Right after Mitsui decided to join the Shohoku team once more.

Disclaimer: Slam Dunk and its character are not mine. Inoue Takehiko owns it wholly. This fic was mainly made for entertainment and for whatever pain or annoyance that it may bring, I take full responsibility.

****

A is Angst (Part 1)

"No."

"What did you just say?" I turned by back away from him before continuing. His inquiry seemed shocked, but I took care to appear as if I did not notice. 

"I already told you," I said as I watched the raindrops slid down from the roof of the school shed. He had chased me all the way here, and right now, I am looking for a way to escape from him but the rain seems to have forgotten how to cease. That is why, I have to keep answering to his questions. "We can't…we can't be together once more."

Mitsui Hisashi, a senior student and a new player to our team, was abashed. From the corner of my eye, I saw him raise his hand to reach out to me, but he faltered. "But, we could…try it again, right?"

"Again?" I almost laughed at his stupidity. "You are impossible Mitsui-san." I felt him scuffle a foot, unsure of what to say next, and I remained in my place, not laying a glance at him.

"But I was…wrong." I raised one eyebrow as I heard him speak. Mitsui admitted that he was wrong? How amusing. "I…" he continued. "I realized how much…you mean to me. I am sorry."

I started walking away. "It's Sunday," I nonchalantly said. "I have to study for an exam on Monday." I ran out of the shed, into the rain, before Mitsui could utter a word. 

"Min-kun! Matte kudasai," he called, but I took no heed as I tried to get away from him at last.

__

All alone on a Sunday morning

Outside I see the rain is falling

Inside I'm slowly dying 

But the rain can't hide my crying

I felt cold drops of water mingling with the warm streams trickling down my cheeks. Why is Mitsui so stubborn?! I told him, over and over again. I do not and will not love him anymore.

Yet, that's funny. My tears flowed out for no reason at all. What does this mean? Could it be… No, I cannot love Mitsui Hisashi once again.

__

Don't you know my tears will burn the pillow

Set this place on fire 'cos I'm tried of your lies

All I needed was a simple hello

But the traffic was so noisy that you cannot hear me cry

Two years ago, he left and learned to forget. I painstakingly endured those times alone, knowing that persuading him to come back will be meaningless. Every night was a torture, a nightmare, as I remember how we promised not to let each other go.

He told me he loves me He told me he will always be there. And where is he now? Gone.

__

I gave you all my love in vain

My body never knew such pleasure

My heart never knew such pain

And you…you leave me so confused

Now I'm all cried out for you.

He left me without even considering how I felt. He set me aside so that he could nurse his grudges and spark up his ego once more after his terrifying accident. I was left in the dark for so long that I got used to it and forgot that there was even light.

Now that I am so happy and successful, he came back. He begged for forgiveness but what can I give him? I have cried out, breathed out all those feelings that had disturbed me. I could not feel anything for him at all, not even pity. I too, had learned to forget it seems.

__

Don't you know my tears will cause an inferno

Moments often faced why should I turn away?

You are the one who left me neglected

Apology not accepted 

I've been to the broken heart you collected.

Yes, I, Kogure Kiminobu had gotten over my Mitsui syndrome, and yet…why am I crying? I felt the rain's coldness seeping through my shirt, but I took no notice. I tasted my tears, but I dare not wipe them away. I do not cry for that kind of people, that was my excuse before. But…am I now?

__

I gave you all of me

How was I to know

You are weakened so easily

I do not know what to do

I am all cried out over you

I took a deep breath and placed my hands in my pockets. My decision is right. Mitsui never loved me, or at least he forgot about loving me. Fair is fair, that I should forget him, too.

I cannot accept apologies for a love log lost. Gomen nasai, Mitsui-san.

I looked back to see if Mitsui was still there, he wasn't. I turned away murmuring, "Sayonara, Hisashi."

****

A is Angst (Part 2)

Kogure Kiminobu walked out of my life. I couldn't stop him. I couldn't speak. He had said his verdict and there's nothing I could do. Today was May 14. Sunday. A day I couldn't forget. 

I just returned to Shohoku basketball team after almost two years of stupidity. I had re-clamped my roots to where I belong. I had thought everyone was glad that I changed, but apparently, I was not wholly welcomed.

__

I can't remember why we fell apart

From something that was meant to be

Forever was the promise in our hearts

Now more and more I wonder where you are.

It was exactly two years ago when I found the most valuable person for me. Gentle, kind, smart, no words can fully describe him. It was hard to contain myself and I told him. I love him, I said, wondering how could he take such confession.

He smiled. He told me he loved me, too. 

Heaven was on earth at that time. I couldn't ask for more. Even with my injury disabling me, I was strong, for there was my sure comfort and care.

My Kiminobu.

Bliss, maybe that was the way to describe how it felt at that time. Our relationship grew even deeper in a short span of time. We were almost one, almost….until I made that terrible error.

My knee injury presented me from playing. I considered it to be a curse. It was a burden that I was bound to carry for the rest of my life. Basketball was my joy and now it was gone. Damning fate, I grew savagely insecure especially when I see that guy Akagi grow better than me and then be close friends with Kogure. I hate, I hate them both! I decided to hate everyone and leave.

Kogure begged me not to leave, but I was deaf and blind. I told him that he did not care for my feelings called him unfaithful. Come to think of it, he never insulted me back. He listened with his head bowed, waiting for my invisible yet painful blows to subside. 

I was so angry with myself and with everyone that I refused to see them all again. Kogure agreed quietly and moved away. I tried not to care, until I realized I was fooling myself.

It was difficult to keep my longing pent-up for years. I grew to be a war freak and a gangster and I strove to overcome my past. Yet, Kami, why is it so hard?

The time finally came when we all met each other once more, this time in a fight. Anzai-sensei came and we met, and all my memories of the past came back. It's all my fault. I had caused my own demise. Having contemplated on that, I swore to pay Shohoku back by joining the team again and reliving my success. For Anzai-sensei, and for him. Kogure Kiminobu.

He welcomed me with a smile, and I thought everything was fine between us. But after this conversation, I had thought otherwise.

My mind began posing questions: Did you really love me only to forget me?

__

Do I ever cross your mind anytime?

Do you ever wake up searching for me?

Do I ever cross your mind anytime?

I miss you

Hell. If only I could rewind all those times I wasted. For Kami's sake I still love him! Then he answered he did not feel the same! I was brutally torn, my heart ripped to shreds, yet what am I to do?

My apologies were left unheeded, my caresses left unfelt. I cannot live seeing the one I love with someone else. I cannot sit down and wait for some cupid to help me. I decided, only me can help me. 

__

Still have your picture in a frame

Hear your footsteps down the hall

I swear I hear you voice driving me insane

How I wish you would call to say…

I ran out into the rain. I felt the water's daggers drive on my back, but my heart felt worse. I must show Kogure. I must prove to him I am still worthy of his love. The devil he had witnessed before had died. Here I am, a new Mitsui Hisashi. No one can stand in our way, as I swore before. Dakara…dakara…

"Kogure!" I yelled at a retreating back. He paused for a while, but continued walking. I strode faster to catch up with him. 

__

Do I ever cross your mind anytime?

Do you ever wake up reaching for me?

Do I ever cross your mind anytime?

I miss you.

Suddenly, he was near, just beyond my reach. My palpitations were getting quicker, how will I start again? Should I tell him sorry once more? What if he ignores me? I walked, at last able to catch up with him. A smile was painted on my face as I gave in to that little voice I kept hearing inside my head.

"Mitsui…" I like the sound of my name spelled out on his tongue. I heard him gasp as my arms snaked around him, enclosing him in a fierce embrace. Surprisingly, he didn't move, and I planted a kiss on his nape.

"I'm sorry, please forgive me."

__

No more loneliness and heartaches

No more crying myself to sleep.

No more wondering about tomorrow

Won't you come back to me?

"Gomen nasai, please forgive me," I repeated over and over, unaware that warm liquid began trickling from me to Kogure's neck. Even if I have to kneel down right here, right now, right in front of all those people, I will. Just please, make him come back. "Tell me anything and I'll do it," I whispered. "Anything to show you how much I love you." I stopped as I felt him turning in my arms. His hands cradled my face, his eyes searching mine.

"Hisashi," he said. 

I met his hazel eyes. "I love you," I said. "I had loved you, and I still love you, and I will always will love you, no matter what answer you give me now." I smiled as I recognized a blush coloring his cheeks. All of a sudden, he was pressed against me, his arms around me…him sobbing. He drenched my already drenched coat, and I played with his hair. 

"Baka ne," I heard him mutter, his voice muffled against my coat.

I bowed down to whisper back. "Aa. I was so wrong. I missed your scolding." He finally laughed. 

I held his arms and made him face me. "Does that mean you forgive me?" He was silent. "I love you and I miss you," I said.

"I missed you," he just answered. 

Even if he did not return my love in words, his eyes suggested otherwise. He had given me another chance. This time, I'll love him even more. I'll prove to him my worth and I will wait until he can finally tell me that he had learned to love me again.

__

I missed you.

^owari^

A/N: This is the start of my MitKo alphabet, which means…I still have 25 fics to do. -.- *bows* Thank you for reading, please review, too! Jaa na! 

Notes:

Enjoy MitKo? Please join the Definitely MitKoMit group at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/definitelymitko

~kogure no hime


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